Hello again.
Long time, no blog... My New Years res is to blog more consistently.
For some time now I have been keen on the idea of adorning the interior of my house with a stuffed Badger. I had the idea that I would like to cut one in half (cross ways), mount it's front end on one side of a wall and it's back end on the other. To make it a bit more surreal, I intended to attach said Badger about 2m above ground level.
I thought this was a great idea, sadly my wife (and daughters) weren't in agreement. I was surprised by the strong resistance I met when I mooted the idea and even though I badgered (sorry for the pun) her for some time, she did not bend. To her, it was a black and white issue - no dead animals in the house, full stop.
Anyway, over a couple of months, I kept my eyes open for a suitable bit of taxidermy. I had a hope that presenting my wife with a "cute" stuffed Badger would soften her resistance to the idea. However, I didn't find anything and the idea began to drift to the back of my mind.
However, two weeks before Christmas, a large box was delivered to my office from one of our suppliers in Birmingham. We get quite a lot of deliveries of garden irrigation and garden lighting product and the box raised no eyebrows until I opened it. Inside was a stuffed Badger, an old, dusty Badger mounted on a board. Clearly the old fellow had seen better days, his ear has been chewed, his underside is bald and he has a very "interesting" aroma. However, none of this mattered to me, it was a Badger and it gave me the opportunity to carry out my plan.
I took Brian, as he has been named, home that evening in my car. However, before I left I thought I might give him a bit of a spruce up and and tried vacuuming his fur. Sadly the vacuum sucked the fur out of one of Brian's back legs leaving it looking like a plucked turkey, so I stopped and decided to take him as he was.
Upon entering the house, I was met by my daughters; Dolly (5) burst into tears, Daisy (7) screeched "yeuucggkk". At that point I started to think that I might struggle to get my way on this one. Upon entering the kitchen, I held Brian up, trying to show off his best side (if he had one) and to make him look as cute as possible. I failed and my wife looked sternly at me before stating firmly "do you really need me to comment?". Knowing the taste of defeat, I responded with "shall I put him back in the car then?"
So since then, that is where Brian has been residing, in the back of my car. He has spent Christmas & New Year in the boot of my car like an aged dog, frozen in time. It hasn't been a problem until yesterday;, my sense of smell had been ineffective (due to a winter cold) and I was happily co-existing with Brian. However, on my journey home last night, my olfactory abilities returned and Brian's "individual" aroma nearly got the better of me. So much so that I had to turn the heater off in the car and open the window.
So, what now for Brian? Should he stay or should he go? As the Pulp Fiction quote goes "he's got personality and personality goes a long way". The problem is, the type of personality that Brian has is not that desirable. However, I have new plans for Brian, watch this space and find out.
Until later.
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